


Space War Movie.

by JamieTheBastard



Category: Alien Series, Blade Runner (Movies), Harry Potter RPF, Indiana Jones Series, Mad Max Series (Movies), Pulp Fiction (1994), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24814027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieTheBastard/pseuds/JamieTheBastard
Summary: Star Wars vs. Alien vs Predator vs. Pulp Fiction vs. Star Trek vs. Once Were Warriors vs. Mad Max vs. Futurama vs. Blade Runner vs. The Matrix vs. Family Guy vs. Full Metal Jacket vs. Indiana Jones vs. Minority Report vs. Marvel vs. DC vs. Disney vs. Harry Potter vs. JamieBot OMFG 69 and EditorBot FUBAR 10. When the corporate gangs take over the multiplexes, pray they're still out there.Contains Extensive Profanity - Not Suitable for Children. Not Suitable for Mature Adults. Barely Suitable for Immature Punk Rock Musicians.9 out of 10 Medical Professionals Recommend Space War Movie.Medical Benefits - Helps Prevent Enforced Cabin Fever Pharmaceutically Induced Homicide.*Testimonials:"I laughed so hard I nearly choked on a liver."Doctor Lecter."Space War Movie proves the old saying that if you throw enough sh*t at a wall some of it will stick."Doctor Quinn."Anybody know where I can score some crack?"Doctor Doogie Howser."LMFAO."Doctor Jekyll.*(May Not Actually Prevent Enforced Cabin Fever Pharmaceutically Induced Homicide).
Relationships: Piscineosexual., Xenosexual.





	Space War Movie.

* * *

Degenerate Scumbag Productions Present

Proudly Brought To You By Dark Matter Laxative Suppositories.

Space War Movie. 

By JamieBot OMFG 69.

  
Additional Characters/Dialogue By EditorBot FUBAR 10.

Pop Culture Satire? Sci-Fi Parody? Retardedly Offensive Aggressively Non-PC Puerile Garbage? Stupidly Simplistic Scatological Social Commentary?

Scabrously Shitehouse Septic Stinking Stupidity? 

Moronically Misbegotten Morally Moribund Masturbatory Media Message Meta-Fiction Manifesto?  


Total F#@!&%G Crap?

All of the Above Yer Honour. Guilty as Charged

Fluke Skywanker and the Rise of the Farce - A Saga of The Space Wars.  


Last Thursday in the Galaxy Next Door...  


Episode III   


Revenge of the Shith. 

  
It is a period of civil war in the galaxy.  
The heartless Galactic Senate has increased taxation  
of space trade routes under sub-section 6, paragraph 9, item 7  
Amendment 7A/42 of the taxable income statutes regarding free - trade  
corporate tax minimisation clause: 97V/48D-C2: in which the party of the first part   
renders void all non-disclosure agreements pertaining to all relevant income: Amendment   
9B/16 In which the party of the second part may claim an offset tax credit if gross income may exceed   
all pro-bono expenditure at the end of the financial year. The Jedgujydu Knights, the guardians of peace in the  
Galactic Republic, have used their off-set tax credits to manufacture a vast army of Jake "The Muss" Heke Clones. 

**DVD MENU:**

**PLAY MOVIE**

**LANGUAGES**

**SUBTITLES**

**BONUS FEATURES:**

**> PLAY ALL**

**MAKING FLUKE SKYWANKER AND THE RISE OF THE FARCE DOCUMENTARY**

**DELETED SCENES**

**FEATURETTE: THE DARK LORD**

**BEHIND THE SCENES**

**AUDIO COMMENTARY**

**SPECIAL FX**

**TRAILERS**

**MAKING FLUKE SKYWANKER AND THE RISE OF THE FARCE DOCUMENTARY**

Introduction to the Characters and Crew.

**Herr Direktor (Jorg Von Stroheim Flukus) - The Writer/Director of this Prequel/Sequel Franchise.**

Herr Direktor - "CUT. That's not the line, just say the line that's in the goddamn script."

Lead Actor - "Man this dialogue sucks, who wrote this pile of shit?" 

Herr Direktor - "Well that would be me, THE FUCKING DIRECTOR, JUST SAY THE FUCKING LINES IN THE SCRIPT." 

Lead Actor - "Well I don't think my character would say that. I've re-written all my dialogue." 

Herr Direktor - "Maybe you would like me to shut down production until you can re-write the entire script from scratch?" 

Lead Actor - "Yeah that'd be great, I could totally fix up this pile of shit. I've written a script I wanta sell, this could totally be an opportunity to get my foot in the door." 

Herr Direktor - "JUST READ THE FUCKING LINES IN THE SCRIPT."

Herr Direktor looks like he's about to have a coronary event and a cerebral haemorrhage and a nervous breakdown all at the same time. Lead Actor walks off to get his script.

Herr Direktor - (mutters under his breath) - "And if you write as good as you act it's gonna be a real short career asshole."

* * *

**Anarchy'n Skywanker - Jedgujydu Knight. (AKA D'ar'rr'tth Surance, new Shith Apprentice).**

Anarchy'n - "But why does my character hate sand so much? What's my motivation for this scene?" 

Herr Direktor - "Think about your goddamn paycheck."

* * *

**SenatorQueen Om Mani Padme Armidale - Galactic Senator. Anarchy'n's Wife. The twins' mother.**

SenatorQueen Armidale - "How did I manage to get a career? I can't act either."

* * *

**Fluke Skywanker - Anarchy'n's son. The Last Jedgujydu Knight.**

Herr Direktor - "What the Fuck? He just jumped off a cliff into the ocean." 

Environmental Control Robot B9 - "Yeah? He must have read the script."

* * *

**SenatorPrincess Lay'er Orgasma - Fluke's twin sister. Secret Leader of the Galactic Revolutionary League. Notorious Cocaine Nose Vacuumer.**

Princess Lay'er - "So Jorg, if Fluke's supposed to be my brother, how come he spent the first two movies trying to get into my pants?"

Continuity Guy - "Well you sticking your tongue down his throat to make Hanjob Solow jealous probably didn't help matters. The poor kid was so horny he had to go and have a Farce Wank in the TurboToilet."

Princess Lay'er - "It's not my fault there's only three women in this poofter paradise galaxy."

Continuity Guy - "How do you think he got the name Hanjob?"

* * *

**Ubi Von (Frank) Shinoobi - Anarchy'n's and Fluke's trainer. The second Last Jedgujydu Master.**

Frank Shinoobi - "Bad feeling this about have I."

Anarchy'n Skywanker - "I think that's Master Yuda's line."

Frank Shinoobi - "No, I'm just dyslexic."

* * *

**Hanjob Solow - Intergalactic Space-Crack Smuggler.**

Anarchy'n Skywanker - "What brain-dead dickhead mounts a sniper scope on a handgun?"

Hanjob Solow - "Yeah? Well I gotta wonder what you assholes are compensating for with the whole LaserSword thing."

* * *

**Chuw'n T'bacca - A Waankie. A seven foot tall furry thing from the planet Kk'chas'sshytt. Bless You.**

Chuw'n T'bacca - "Grouuwwwl graghhhhh?!?!! (I thought I was auditioning for Planet of the Apes?!?!!)"

* * *

**Count Dookie - (AKA D'ar'rr'tth Fected, old Shith Apprentice).**

Count Dookie - "I'm too old for this shit."

Herr Direktor - "Can we please get another Adult Diaper on set?"

* * *

 **Supreme Executive Chancellor Galactic Oversight Committee Senate Sub-Commission Liaison Overlord Dark Master Secret Emperor Palpitato'ine (AKA D'ar'rr'tth Vestor, Shith Lord).**

Chancellor Palpitato'ine - "Will someone tell me when I was supposed to have this grandkid? I thought my character was supposed to be gay."

Anarchy'n Skywanker - "Yeah, I thought the creepy old paedophile was just trying to get into my pants."

* * *

**Face Windo - The third Last Jedgujydu Master.**

He pulls out a gleaming nickel plated Colt Python six shooter and Goes Fucking Postal in the props dept. because they misspelt Bad Mothurfukkar on his LaserSword. 

Face Windo - "AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON THEE SEMI-LITERATE MOTHERFUCKERS."

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. 

* * *

**Master Yuda - The first Last Jedgujydu Master in The Galaxy.**

Master Yuda - "I spend the first three movies with a hand up my tuckuss, and I get bumped for a video game character?" 

* * *

**R3E3 Catering Robot - A Trash Can on Wheels.**

R3E3 Catering Robot - "Well at least you don't have to spend 18 hours a day crammed into a fucken trash can on wheels, short-ass." 

Actor#10 gets out of the small robot and he's seven feet tall.

* * *

**Rick Dikhard - Intergalactic Blade Runner Unit.**

Rick Dikhard - "For fuck's sake Villeneuve you twat-sucker, am I a goddamn Replicant or not?"

* * *

**Captain James P. Kirk - Captain of the Starship Enterprise Bargaining Agreement.**

The air goes all shimmery, psychedelic and sparkly and Captain Kirk materialises, his shirt is all ripped and torn. He phasers a few aliens to death, looks around a bit, phasers a crewmember wearing a William Shatner Captain Kirk t-shirt, then whips out his cell phone communicator. 

Captain Kirk - "Beam me up Scotty, I'm in the wrong fucking movie."

There is no reply.

Captain Kirk - "Kirk to Enterprise, where's that asshole Abrams? I'm gonna phaser his fucking face off."

There is no reply. Kirk spots one of those hot green skinned alien chicks with the two big wormy head tentacles.

Captain Kirk - "Captain's Log, Stardate 22669.353.0982536.1.320 Sub-space communications are down, I can't contact the Enterprise or my agent. It appears I have been sucked into a spatial/temporal/dimensional/urinal portal, and I am in a strange alternate universe. I will blend in with the natives, to avoid violating the Prime Directive."

Kirk starts hitting on the hot green skinned alien chick.

Captain Kirk - "So whatta ya say we beam out of this dump back to my hotel room baby? I could teach you all about Starfleet regulations concerning intimate interspecies relations."

A Jupiter Mining Corporation Mechanoid overhears this.

Kryten - "Space Corps directive 781/2BX states - All crew-members who engage in unprotected sexual intercourse with alien life-forms must undergo a full body enema of bleach and anti-virals before boarding ship. In the event that decontamination facilities can not be accessed by the offending crewmember, full atomisation in a nuclear furnace is mandatory."

Hot Green Skinned Alien Chick - "Do you know this guy Jim?"

Kryten scans Captain Kirk with his hand scanner.

Kryten - "According to the psi-scan you are infected with: Space Herpes, Rigellian Bladder Parasites, Vulcan Hyper-Syphilis, and a particularly virulent strain of Aldebaraan IV Sentient Testicle Fungus."

Hot Green Skinned Alien Chick - "O...K and I am outta here. Later loser."

Kryten - "You're also slightly Vitamin B deficient."

* * *

**Robo-General Heinous - Evil Leader of the C-BRA (Comedy Battle Robot Armada).**

Comedy Battle Robot #77 - "I mean how the fuck does a robot even get emphysema anyway?" 

Robo-General Heinous - "50 Unfiltered Camel's a day mate." 

He lights a cigarette. 

Robo-General Heinous - "COUGH HACK SPIT COUGH."

* * *

**Glucass the Fatt - Intergalactic Obese Slug Crime Boss.**

Galaxy's Most Wanted for extorting zillions of Galacticredidollars under false pretenses.

* * *

**Clone General Jaketh Emuss.**

There is a loud disturbance, the cast and crew turn to see the big tattooed Clone General clean up a crewmember with a few devastating, lightning fast, roundhouse punches. The crew guy goes down hard under the hammering. 

Clone General Jaketh - "The name's Jaketh, Jaketh Emuss, you should learn to pay your respects." 

He gives the dude bleeding and moaning on the floor a good solid kick to the ribs for good measure.

Actor #9 - "That's the continuity guy, what did he do?" 

Clone General Jaketh - "His fucking ringtone was "Slice of Heaven" I thought he was taking the pus bro." 

LOUD SNIGGERS ARE HEARD. 

Smart-Ass Crew Dude - "Hey man ask him if wants fush and chups for lunch." 

MORE SNIGGERS. 

Smart-Ass Crew Dude - "Ask him if his wife gives him good six bro." 

SNIGGERS. 

Smart-Ass Crew Dude - "UNCLE FUCKING BULLY." 

WHAM! Smart-Ass Crew Dude gets totally pounded into the floor. 

* * *

**Jah Wah Bonks - Retarded Fish-Frog. Offensive Racial Stereotype.**

Jah Wah Bonks - "Mesa gotsa nosa self respect Massar."

* * *

**Meek Geeko - Galactic Senator. Separatist Spy.**

Meek Geeko - "There can ever only be two Shith. A master and an apprentice."

D'ar'rr'tth Siphylus - "Oh crap. I've been training my apprentice in the ways of the Dark Side for ten years, and he just got creamed by a TurboBus on his way to the hyper-mall to pick up a pack of space-smokes. Now I've gotta start all over again goddamn it."

* * *

**L'arss N'trudor - Xenosexual Grey Jedgujydu Knight.**

L'arss N'trudor - "I'm not so sure about my character's name man. And why am I the only one with a big black dildo instead of a LaserSword?" 

Fluke Skywanker - "Somebody's gotta do the anal probing of the abductees pal."

* * *

**Producer One and Producer Two (Names with-held to protect the guilty.)**

Producer One (holding the script) - "Seriously? This whiny little bitch becomes the most heinous and bad-assed motherfucker in the whole galaxy?"

Producer Two - "There were script issues from day one man." 

Producer One - "Like maybe forgetting to hire someone who can actually write one?"

Producer Two - "Don't worry, our two leads can barely act anyway, we'll just put in some more CGI explosions and laser battles, who's gonna care?"

Producer One - "I told ya we shoulda got Downey Jr. for the role."

Producer Two - "Downey Jr's seriously fucked up on drugs, none of the studios will hire him."

Producer One - "Precisely why we shoulda got him, he would've done it for peanuts. Or drugs."

* * *

**Darth Mickey - Evil Supreme Shith Overlord.**

Darth Mickey - "Today the galaxy, tomorrow the universe."

Cue high-pitched maniacal cackling laughter.

**Production Documentary directed by LaRunt Beauzeau.**

* * *

**DELETED SCENES.**

Republican Regular Army Drill Instructor Sgt. Ar'ly Ur'my is drilling his Clone Squad at Boot Camp Cubrikk Kube.

Drill Sgt. Ar'ly Ur'my - "I KNOW A GIRL FROM CORUSCANT/KEEPS DEAD FISH IN HER UNDERPANTS."

Clone Squad - **"I KNOW A GIRL FROM CORUSCANT/KEEPS DEAD FISH IN HER UNDERPANTS."**

Drill Sgt. Ar'ly Ur'my - "I DON'T KNOW BUT I BEEN TOLD/HOTH PUSSY IS MIGHTY COLD."

Clone Squad - **"I DON'T KNOW BUT I BEEN TOLD/HOTH PUSSY IS MIGHTY COLD."**

Drill Sgt.Ar'ly Ur'my - "SQUAD HALT. PRIVATE KYRON 7 WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?"

The Clone Recruit doesn't reply.

Drill Sgt. Ar'ly Ur'my - "PRIVATE KYRON 7 ARE YOU A CORUSCAN OR A CORUSCANT?"

Private Kyron 7 - "Uhhh... the second one?

Drill Sgt. Ar'ly Ur'my - "GET YOUR SHIT WIRED TIGHT PRIVATE OR I WILL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD, SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK, THEN SKULLFUCK YOU SENSELESS. DROP AND GIVE ME SEVENTY."

* * *

Planet Hollywood Tatooine  
**Live Tonite:** Freestyle Rap Battle of the Titans - George vs. JJ vs. RJ  
**Support Act:** Tupac's Farce Ghost.

  
DJ DeathMixBlaster - "Let's get this rap battle underway heavyweight Hollywood homies."

George - "You calling me fat?"

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "WICKAWICKAWICKA."

DJ DeathMIxBlaster starts beat-boxing.

JJ - "My name's JJ/Directing is my game/Better get used to it bro/Coz I'm here to stay/I'm making this shit up/As I go along/Middle-aged geek losers/Can suck my frickin' schlong/And.... umm... and... ahhhh... why can't we all just get along?????"

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "Barely out of the starting gate and JJ's stumbled. Take it away RJ."

RJ - "My name is RJ/And I thought the seventh movie/Was really freaking gay/I'm gonna fuck it all up/And do it my own way/I don't give a flying crap/What the loser fans say/JJ is a pimp/His dick is always limp/Walt's frigging gimp/Stupid short-ass shrimp/Total loser... uhhh... blimp?... Simp?... Fuck."

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "A strong start from RJ, but it fell apart on the breakdown."

Tupac's Farce Ghost - **"White boys can't rap/Cracker-ass motherfuckers/Are all full of crap/If it ain't on the page/It ain't on the stage/So shut the fuck up/There ain't nothin' left to say.** "

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "My boy George is in da house. Bring it on home G-Man."

George - "Well my name is George/And I'm really awesome/People said my prequels sucked/And I guess they were right/But I couldn't give a crap/Coz I've got all your money/Why don't you all go fuck yourselves with your C3PO action figures/And whine about it to someone who actually gives a shit/Coz I sure as hell goddamn don't."

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "Dude, that doesn't even rhyme. You're eliminated."

George - "Here's eight thousand dollars."

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "Uhhh... I meant to say you win. Represent for my hyperspace homie George, mad props Space B-boys and Intergalactic Fly-girls, this ain't on the down-low, and don't diss this bitch's ho, coz he's ma west coast earth cracker movie bro."

The crowd go nuts.

RJ - "WHAT ABOUT ROUND TWO? I WAS ROBBED, THE WHOLE THING WAS RIGGED."

JJ - "FUCK YOU, NOW I GOTTA TRY AND MAKE THE LAST MOVIE MAKE SOME KINDA GODDAMN SENSE."

RJ - "WELL YOUR MOVIE WAS JUST A LAME RE-MAKE OF THE FIRST ONE ANYWAY."

DJ DeathMixBlaster - "Dude, he's got a point there."

George - "I gotta question the wisdom of the production company that green-lights hundreds of millions of dollars, without even having a rough arc plot for the three movies worked out, and at least outlines on where the hell it's all gotta go, let alone any actual damn scripts."

Tupac's Farce Ghost - **"GAME OVER CRACKER-ASS FUCKTARDS. GET THE HELL OFF THE STAGE BEFORE I BUST A CAP IN ALL YA GODDAMN ASSES."**

* * *

The Millennial Facecum lands and Hanjob Solow and Chuw'n T'bacca get out. They spot Princess Lay'er Orgasma and go over.

Princess Lay'er - "Ooouuu ....kng ....shle I... lda...own .....ooouuu....eee akk...um..ime....av...oooo....uk..ftr....mo...unt."

Hanjob Solow - "What the hell?"

Princess Lay'er - "I...edd ...ooouuu..... un.....or.....rty....ve....ers.. ....ng ...id.... nk ...id...n.....al.. Ooooo ....ukn ......ny......ng.....ik."

Hanjob Solow - "Get a doctor, I think she's stroking out."

The on-set doctor is summoned and she examines the space princess.

Doctor Who - "Ahhh no, easy to fix, don't worry. A shot of muscle relaxant will fix her right up."

The good doctor gives her an injection of Valium straight in the face. The Princess' face sags and droops.

Princess Lay'er - "YOU STUPID ASSHOLE. I JUST HAD TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS WORTH OF BOTOX SO I DON'T LOOK LIKE I'M FUCKING 90 YEARS OLD IN THIS PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE. I said: Ever since you took off, the damned kid has been dressing in black, stays in his room snorting Ritalin, listening to Ashes of Autumn all night long, and slicing his arms up with razor blades. YOU FUCKING ALIMONY DODGING PRICK!" 

Incoherent ranting continues. Hanjob turns to his furry co-pilot.

Hanjob Solow - "Now I remember why we went back to smuggling Space-Crack."

Chuw'n T'bacca - "Grrouwww wooouurghhh grawwwhhghhhhh."

Hanjob Solow - "You said it pal. Let's get the fuck outta here, we can probably crash on Jubba's couch for a bit longer."

Princess Lay'er - "AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE THAT THING PUT ON SOME GODDAMN PANTS!"

The Millennial Facecum blasts off back into space.

* * *

A Space Highway Patrol Car with two Patrolmen inside is hidden behind a small asteroidal cluster bearing a billboard advertising Dark Matter Laxative SuppositoriesTM. As they watch, a battered and dented black Ford XB Falcon MFP Space Interceptor streaks by at 2095 times Lightspeed. The Patrol Car rolls out in fast pursuit and soon pulls over the vehicle, the driver cranks down the window as the Patrolmen approach...

Space Highway Patrol Cop - "Sir the Hyper-Space speed limit in this area of the galaxy is 12 parsecs per second, we clocked you doing 60,000,000 PPS."

Mad Mel Rockatansky - "I thought I trasshed thish farrken car two moviesh ago Offisher, it wassun't my fault."

Space Highway Patrol Cop - "Have you consumed any alcohol today Sir?"

Mad Mel Rockatansky - "Farrrk orfff, I'm a cop too you shunnuvva bitchhs."

Space Highway Patrol Cop - "Step out of the Space Car Sir, we're taking you in for a blood alcohol analysis."

Mad Mel Rockatansky - "Go farrrkk ya shelf, it'ssh Ssshpace Jeshus's birthday, and I wuzz shelerbrating cozz the Shpace Joozsh farrkken killed him. It'sh all their farkkn fault, why'ntya go and arreshht them fa farrkks snake?"

Space Highway Patrol Cop - "Do you have any evidence of this alleged murder Sir?"

Mad Mel Rockatansky - "Why'ntya go farkk ya muttha."

* * *

The Command Bridge of the Command Star Devastator.

Officer ZZ999 - "Sir. It appears that the prisoners may have possibly escaped."

D'ar'rr'tth Emo - "WHAT THE FUCK?"

He Farce drags Officer ZZ999 towards him and grabs him by the throat.

Officer ZZ999 - "Uhhh... apparently it uhhh.... seems that... uhhh... they might have possibly had... uhhh .. some inside help. We're looking into it... and... uhh... don't worry... uhh... there's going... to be... uhhh... an executive enquiry board... uhh... convened... and...uhhh."

D'ar'rr'tth Emo - "I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER GIVING ORDERS? NOBODY LIKES ME, YOU ASSHOLES ALL MAKE JOKES ABOUT ME AND LAUGH AT ME BEHIND MY BACK, I'VE SEEN YOU. NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY, NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME, NOW I CAN'T TORTURE MY PRISONERS, FUCK ALL OF YOU."

He drops Officer ZZ999 and ignites his LaserSword. He hacks viciously at a nearby control console, which is reduced to molten slag in seconds.

Officer ZZ999 - "Uhhh Sir...we're in deep space, and we... uhhh... needed that... console... to... live."

HAL 9000zx84 - "COMMAND SHIP WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN T MINUS FIVE SECONDS."

D'ar'rr'tth Emo - "Oh Shit."

KA-AAFUCKINGBLAMMMO. 

The ship erupts in a massive fireball.

* * *

Master Yuda is telling jokes to the crew as the jungle set is being lit.

Master Yuda - "A Lightsaber in your pocket that is? Or just happy to see me you are?"

The crew laughs.

Master Yuda - "About the Jedi Knight and the malfunctioning SexBot you have heard not?" 

Producer Two - "Hey, you're not allowed to call 'em by the real names remember, they'll sue the ass off us."

Master Yuda - "Short of ass the director is not. Losing some to afford well he can."

The crew piss themselves laughing.

* * *

Fluke and Shinoobi stand on a cliff overlooking a vast city in the desert.

Frank Shinoobi - "Mos Eisner. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

Fluke Skywanker - "Obviously you've never been to Hollywood."

* * *

Supreme Second in Command Galactic Leader SnukerNite's (AKA Shith Lord D'ar'rr'tth VB Dundee) Throne Room. General Fux walks in.

General Fux - "Construction is complete Sire. The New Improved Super-Weapon is ready to charge."

S.S.I.C.G.L. SnukerNite - "About bloody time Fuxxy. I've just been reading the brochure, the new improved optional extras are the friggin' bomb, listen to this mate... The beam can instantaneously blow the crap outta planets up to 600,000 light years away, and it can split into six individual beams and do six planets, (or twelve moons), all at once. Says here ya can even set the beams on a colour sequencer, red, white and green for Christmas, or red, white and blue for blowing up Yank and Pommy planets. Let's take this baby for a spin Fuxxy. Find me a bunch of nice, harmless, peaceful planets to incinerate, and we'll fire up the barbie, grill a few prawns, sink a few beers and let 'er rip."

General Fux - "Uhhh there's just one small problem Sire..."

S.S.I.C.G.L. SnukerNite - "Don't fucken tell me. They forgot to fix the hole."

General Fux - "Well..."

S.S.I.C.G.L. SnukerNite - "Jeezus Fuxxy, we've already lost two of the fucken things because of the bloody hole. Fair fucken crack of the whip and all bro, but do you know how much these bloody planet sized Super Weapons cost? Lowest fucken bidder contractors again mate? I might be an Aussie, and we're a pretty understandin' buncha blokes, but fuck me, if they blow this one up it's comin' outta your wages."

General Fux - "I'll have the contractors brought in for immediate execution Sire."

S.S.I.C.G.L. SnukerNite - "Nah, I couldn't be arsed mate, the bloody Space Worker's unions would be all over me like flies on a dead dingo's donger. Just throw that rusty sheet of corrugated iron we picked up at the dump last week over the fucken hole. I'm going down the pub for the Meat Raffle, I won meself fifty bucks on the Pokies last week Fuxxy, and I'm on a roll."

* * *

Bender has a cameo role as a Comedy Battle Robot. He's got a prosthetic pointy Comedy Battle Robot head welded to his forehead and he has been painted with baby-shit yellow spray paint. 

Face Windo is nearby practicing his LaserSword fight choreography.

Face Windo - "Goddamn it!"

Bender - "What's the problem meat-sack?"

Face Windo - "My LaserSword won't stay erect."

The purple LaserSword beam is soft and flaccid, it droops and sags.

Bender - Try switching it off and on again, usually works for me flesh-bag."

Windo switches off the LaserSword and then back on again. The purple beam is now erect, and ready for business. All of a sudden it goes all flaccid and droopy again.

Face Windo - "Goddamn piece of cheap Taiwanese crap. I am a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, I am a goddamn race car and the needle's in the red, you hear me you cracker-ass LaserSword?"

Producer One approaches.

Producer One - "Maybe you better take it down to the special effects dept."

Face Windo - "I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GODDAMN THING."

Bender opens his torso cavity and removes a small disk.

Bender - "This'll fix it right up skin-job, never fails."

Face Windo switches off the malfunctioning LaserSword. He opens the casing and inserts the disk. As he is concentrating on repairing the device, he doesn't notice Bender slip his TurboWallet from his back pocket and stash it quickly in his torso cavity. Windo turns on the LaserSword and it appears to be functioning perfectly. He performs his LaserSword moves.

**BBBBBZZZZTTT VVVVVZZZZZTTT BBBBBZZZZZTTTT VVVVVZZZZZTTTT.**

Face Windo walks off still practicing fight choreography.

Producer One - "What was that you gave him?"

Bender - "Industrial strength RoboViagra. Whatta ya want loser? I'm busy."

Bender is sitting down using Catering Robot R3E3 as a foot-stool. He's smoking a fat cigar and drinking a beer.

Producer One - "You're needed back on set to re-shoot scene 32."

Bender - "Again? We did 95 takes already. Tell Director Bonehead he can bite my dull yellow metal ass."

Sixty hours later Face Windo still can't turn off his LaserSword.

* * *

Producer One is holding the script, and he's got an expression on his face as if he's just stepped in a big pile of dog shit.

Producer One - "Have you actually read this piece of shit?"

Producer Two - "Well I skimmed through it a few times, but I can't get past the terrible dialogue, pathetic character motivations and lack of anything resembling an actual coherent plot. What's the problem? It's only got a script to tie all the CGI effects scenes together anyway."

Producer One - "I've just read the scene where we find out Anarchy'n's origin. He doesn't have a father, and his mother's a virgin. Seriously? I mean what the fuck was that idiot thinking when he wrote this?"

Producer Two - "I thought it had something to do with these goddamn blood parasite Midichlorine things. Look the point is he IS an idiot, full of his own bloated ego and delusions of self-importance, and obviously coherent thought is something he struggles with on a daily basis."

Producer One - "Yeah and he must have pulled this festering pile out of his own bloated ass. Our protagonist/antagonist starts out as Jesus by way of Scientology and ends up as Satan, I don't think the religious fanatics are gonna like it."

Producer Two - "Who cares? Their scripts suck too."

* * *

Darth Stewie - "Feel the wrath of the Dark Side of my soiled diaper. What? My cameo scene has been cut from the film?"

Darth Stewie whips out an M60. 

Darth Stewie - "There's treachery afoot Brian. They will rue the day they left Darth Stewie on the cutting room floor."

KA'CHAK.

Darth Stewie - "Prepare to start rue-ing."

Brian - "Wait...What did you say?"

* * *

CLOSE UP ON:   
SMARTPHONE SCREEN.

Anarchy'n Skywanker is reading an IMDb review of Episode One.

**episode 1 The Fandom menace 1/10.**   
**Stupid_Jerk-off_Wanker. 20June2000.**

**"I Cullen't egnolage ,how endistancemented and immiseration ,the abhorrible unreified shakavision CSI , eliding Disinterment . and not for u c-ing thus syfy move ."**

Anarchy'n Skywanker - "What the hell does it mean?"

Robo-General Heinous - "Nothing mate, it's IMDb, the reviews are written by barely-literate retards for the benefit of semi-sentient idiots."

Anarchy'n Skywanker - "Thousands of fans have rated the movie one out of ten, we're never gonna work again."

Robo-General Heinous - "Don't worry about that, the studio pays 'em to bump up the score whenever they release a shit sequel, doesn't matter what the retards rate it, it's got a 9.0 overall score."

* * *

  
Filming resumes. The First Assistant Director calls for quiet on the set.

FAD - "QUIET ON THE SET. CAN WE HAVE QUIET ON THE SET PEOPLE. ALL CELL-PHONES SWITCHED OFF. ANY PHONE THAT RINGS WILL BE NAILED TO THE WALL WITH THIS NAIL-GUN. THANK YOU."

Herr Direktor - "Cameras rolling. Aaaand ACTION."

EXT. PLANET - T'AATOO G'UNN 9 - BIG-ASS LASER BATTLE - DAY.

Thousands of Comedy Battle Robots are attacking the base. Thousands of Clonetroopers fight off the attack. PEW PEW, PEW PEW, PEW PEW, green and red laser fire flies thick and fast! BOOOM! KA-BLAAM!!KAFUCKINGBLOOEY!!! Shit blows up! Stupid Comedy Battle Robots blow up! G-Wing Attack Space Interceptors rain hot laser death upon spidery Battle Walkers.

Suddenly, a bad-ass looking mofo, all dressed in black, black trenchcoat, wraparound sunglasses, bursts in to the set, barking and blazing HK-AR15's in each hand. The guns spew endless fire and hundreds of spent cartridges onto the set floor in slow motion, as he hoses bullets and takes out a hundred Clonetroopers, before delivering his lines. 

Eon - "MY NAME IS EON, I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU ALL FROM THE MATROX'S INSIDIOUS CONTROL."

Herr Direktor is shitting kittens, the take is ruined. 

Herr Direktor - "CUT! CUT!! CUT!!! NO YOU IDIOT, THIS IS SOUNDSTAGE FUCKING TEN, YOUR SHOOT IS SOUNDSTAGE NINE NEXT FUCKING DOOR." 

Eon - "Oh? OK then. Later dude." 

Eon exits, stage left, (after pausing to mow down a few more Clones for good measure on his way out). 

Herr Direktor - "And your line reading was wooden anyway asshole. Shit, I'm glad that guy ain't in my movie."

* * *

The two producers leave the set and walk over to the Craft Services table and wait in line to be served.

Producer One -"That's a bit hypocritical isn't it seeing as our main guy is a little plank-like himself?" 

Producer Two - "Hell, our dude's acting is so wooden you could build a house out of him. Angst? Conflict? Tension? Betrayal? Loss? Forget it, all ya get is one note goddamn whiny little bitch." 

Producer One - "Well the fucken shithouse script sure don't help none. I knew we shoulda got James Cameron to write it."

Producer Two - "Who cares if it's crap? It's still gonna make a billion dollars."

Producer One - "You know I've been thinking about it, I think it's really just Scientology propaganda."

Producer Two - "Who cares? The "Church" of Scientology went bankrupt after the Battlefield Earth disaster."

Producer One - "Yeah, we sure dodged a bullet not getting involved with that mess."

The two producers high-five each other.

The line shuffles forward. The Producers peruse the menu:

 **ENTREE:**

Facehugger and Leek Soup. 

**MAIN COURSE DISHES:**

Xenomorph Steaks marinated in Red Wine and Molecular Acid. Served with a Triffid Caesar Salad.

Roast Chestbursters with Almond Stuffing and Black Mutagen Gravy. Served with steamed Soylent Green.

**DESSERT:**

Endor Black Forest HyperChoc Lava Cake.

Invid Protoculture Gelato served with Cinnamon spiced Midichlorian Rum Balls.

Gamma Roasted Irish Coffee with Romulan Peat Whiskey.

Producer One - "No wonder the fucking budget's eight hundred million."

* * *

The Command Bridge of the Galactic Reolutionary League Command Ship NemoSeeker.

Commander SpongeBob - "The Death Planet will be in firing range in two microns."

Bender - "We're boned."

Master Yuda - "Again with the Death Star, always with the Death Star, and the lasers, and the exploding for Lord Xenu's sake."

Catering Robot R3E3 - "It ain't a Death Star dipshit, it's a GalaxyCrusher Base Death Planet."

Commander SpongeBob - "Scans are complete Admiral. There is a hole. Repeat, there is a hole."

Admiral Al'ar Ak'barr - "Send in the fighters. All G-Wing squadrons attack."

Commander SpongeBob - "The Japanese take-out has arrived Admiral. Repeat, the Japanese take-out has arrived."

Admiral Al'ar Ak'barr - "OK, who was the smart-ass who ordered the Sushi?"

* * *

**FEATURETTE: THE DARK LORD**

Producer One calls the director over and speaks quietly to him.

Herr Direktor - "The Dark Lord is coming here?"

The soundstage door opens and in walks an incredibly ancient, withered and frail Rupert Murdoch (AKA D'ar'rr'thh Continent - The Dark Lord of the Shith). On one arm is a botox faced, 20 year old blond bimbo with huge silicon boobs and a skimpy black dress. In the other hand the Dark Lord holds a chain attached to the neck of a handsome, muscular, athletic young man dressed in rubber bondage wear. The Dark Lord tours the set with Herr Direktor and is well pleased with the work of his dark minions.

The Dark Lord - "You have done well my loyal minions, the guzzaline and the galaxy will be ours."

Herr Direktor bows deeply, acknowledging the praise of his master. The Dark Lord turns to his young companions.

The Dark Lord - "I feel weary my young apprentice, I must feed and renew my Farce powers."   
His arms are extended out, there is a loud crackling sound in the air and blue and red lightning shoots from his fingers and envelops his companion victim. There is a hideous shrieking as his victim is slowly sucked dry, the life energies reviving the frail Dark Lord, as the victim rapidly withers into a horrific mummified wrinkled corpse.

The Dark Lord - "Now I am revitalised we shall return to my Dark Lair where I will continue your training, my young apprentice."  
He gives the muscular rubber bondage dude a squeeze on the ass, and they leave the set. The hideous mummified corpse of the silicon blond bimbo is smoking on the set floor. Sanitation Robots peel it off the floor and clean up the revolting puddle of mess left behind.

* * *

**BEHIND THE SCENES:**

Michael Fassbender - "Hey Ridley, I've got a bit of an issue with the scene where my character, a blue-eyed, blonde haired, uber-Aryan android, bombs the crap out of a planet inhabited by a race of hook nosed humanoids. What's this movie gonna be called, Alien: Genocide of the Space Jews?"

Ridley Scott - (Sighs) "I knew I probably shouldn't have got Mel Gibson to write it."

Michael Fassbender - "The fans hate these movies anyway, whose stupid idea was it to have the aliens created by an unhinged android with daddy issues, ten years before the first movie?"

Ridley Scott - "The fans are idiots, what the fuck would they know?"

Michael Fassbender - "Not to go and see anymore of these shit movies, this one's gonna bomb so at least you won't get to make anymore of these garbage prequels."

Ridley Scott - "So why did ya sign on for this one then?"

Michael Fassbender - "Coz I'm getting two paychecks, and I won't have to do anymore of these stupid movies. I mean what brain-dead idiot isn't gonna see your pathetic "Twist" ending coming as soon as they see there's two identical androids?"

Ridley Scott - "Maybe I should have jumped off the damn bridge."

Alien Fan - "It's never too late asshole."

* * *

Acclaimed actress Laura Dern is running around the set, pretending to shoot cast members with her Blaster Pistol.

Laura Dern - "PEW PEW PEW. I got you Jackson, you're deader than you were in Jurassic Park motherfucker."

* * *

Ewan McGregor and Joel Edgerton are having a break between takes.

Joel Edgerton - "Man I've really gotta get a better agent." 

Ewan McGregor - "You and me both pal, but at least I didn't have to swim through a toilet this time." 

Joel Edgerton - "What movie was that on?" 

Ewan McGregor - "Movie?"

* * *

Carrie Fisher walks out of the bathroom sniffling. Her pupils are so dilated that her eyes don't have any colour at all. There is a suspicious white powder around her nostrils and upper lip. She wipes the powder off and checks her watch. - "Shit, I'm running late. Bye folks, I've got a plane to catch."

* * *

**AUDIO COMMENTARY:**

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - "Woah, that's in very poor taste hermano." 

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Yeah, so fucken what? I'm an Aussie punk rock musician, I don't do hypocritical bullshit political correctness. My life motto is: Offend Everybody. Appease No-one. Hey, at least I don't discriminate bro, everybody pisses me off equally. Politicians, sociopathic corporations, fucken religious fanatics, right wing conservative cunts, bleeding heart left wing PC fascist fuckwits, self-righteous social justice wankers. They're all a bunch of pendejo jerk off motherfuckers that need to wake up and grow the fuck up, before we're all goddamn dead."

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - "Yeah, I suppose you're right. You know what pisses me off? Droids."

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Droids piss you off?"

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - "Droids is a contraction of ANDROIDS. An android is a robot designed to be indistinguishable from a human being. None of the robots in these movies are androids, SO WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY ALL CALLED DROIDS?"

JamieBot OMFG 69 - (chuckles) - "Simmer down sparky. Just look at the stupid character names man, the director is obviously a retarded moron. He couldn't tell an android from his ass, even if one smacked him upside his stupid fat head."

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - (Laughs heartily) - "I just got a mental picture of the director getting smacked upside the head by his own ass."

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Well his ass is certainly big enough to kick his ass."

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - "You know, for someone who hates these movies so much you sure seem to know a lot about them."

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Well I liked the first one... when I was a little kid. Then I grew up and realised what unmitigated garbage they really are. How grown fucken adults can like these kiddy crap piece of shit movies is beyond me mate. My mother made me take her to see the bloody new one, my nephew explained all the other latest ones for me, and I did some pretty intensive research."

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - "Dude, looking up wikipedia entries and reading IMDb reviews doesn't count as intensive research."

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Have you ever tried to read IMDb reviews? It's a major pain in the ass, I can't believe it's possible to cram so many morons onto one planet."

EditorBot 10 - "Can't argue with that. So if you hate Star Wars I guess you're a Star Trek dude then?"

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Fuck off, I think I hate Star Trek even more than I despise this kiddy crap. Over-rated, cheap, cheesy, camp shit."

EditorBot FUBAR 10 - "The Trekker geeks are gonna be after your head."

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Oh no, the Trekker geeks are coming to get me, I'm shitting myself already. You know what really pisses me off dude? Self-righteous PC fascists with sticks up their asses. These hypocrites get all pissed off if you call a retard a retard, but they don't care that corporations and governments let millions of people starve to death. You don't hear 'em getting all bent out of shape over this issue do ya?"

EditorBot FUBAR 10 -"No amigo you certainly don't. I read the other day that Americans and Australians waste billions of dollars’ worth of food every year, straight into the trash. That is pretty freaking insane when millions are dying of starvation."

JamieBot OMFG 69 - "Amen to that bro, the human race are goddamn insane. They treat this world like an open sewer, barely 300 years of industrialisation and we're already facing extinction. The race hasn't learnt something that even the animals know - You don't shit where ya live. Fucken Retards."

**Opinions expressed in the commentary track are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Dark Lord, Fox Studios Executives, or its legions of disposable minions.**

* * *

**SPECIAL FX:**

Herr Direktor visits the special effects dept. He looks tired and stressed.

CGI Special Effects Technician Emilio - "Hey boss, how they hanging?"

Herr Direktor - "It's all fucked Emilio, I've got a lead actor that can't act, and he wants to re-write my script. Then this dopey bitch does so much coke her heart explodes, and she's only done half her fucking scenes. Take my advice esse, don't go into directing, it ain't worth it."

CGI Special Effects Technician Emilio - "Get ready to get happy boss, we can fix anything with CGI. First we rotoscoped her out of one of the deleted scenes, then composited her into the new scene, then a bit of animation, and voila Princess Lay'er Lives."

He clicks his mouse and the new scene plays on the monitor. The Princess walks into the scene on very dodgy animated legs. She delivers her lines, and it is obvious she is a still frame with a CGI mouth that moves slightly out of sync with the pre-recorded dialogue track. Herr Direktor is less than impressed.

Herr Direktor - "And what about the big finale space battle scene?"

CGI Special Effects Technician Emilio - "You're gonna love this."

He clicks the mouse and the scene plays. A massive space battle, Republic Star Devastators and Galactic Revolutionary League Heavy Cruisers rain laser fire destruction upon each other. Fighter ships weave through the heavy cruisers, firing torpedoes at Robot Attack Craft. Explosions. Lasers. We Close Up On the GRL Command Ship. A screaming BowTie Fighter kamikazes into the Command Bridge and explodes in flames. Inside the Command Bridge, crewmembers and the GLR High Command are sucked into space screaming through the massive hull breach. Admiral Al'ar Ak'barr dies gasping like a guppy on the beach. The scene Close Ups On a still frame image of the Princess (obviously taken from a scene where she is standing upright) which flies through space surrounded by a fuzzy blue Farce Field. She flies straight towards the vast Republic Clone Command Ship, firing devastating blasts of Farce Energy out of her head and the Republic Command Star Devastator explodes in a gargantuan CGI fireball.

Herr Direktor - "That's it? Looks like shit."

Special Effects Technician Emilio - "Well that's the animatic of course, not the final key-frame render, give us about fifteen years and we'll nail it."

At that moment Herr Direktor's pal Senor Spielbergio visits the special effects dept. with his entourage. Reporters clamour after the acclaimed moviefilm director.

E News Reporter - "Can you give us any info on your new picture Senor Spielbergio?"

Senor Spielbergio - "The studio wants me to do this stupid Philip K. Dick story. I don't get Dick, but after looking at the special effects for this film I think I can make something of it. I'll just ditch most of the stuff from the dumb novel, cram in a shitload of special effects, Tom Cruise, and some action scenes and there ya go - Guaranteed Summer Blockbuster."

The reporters leave. Herr Direktor and Senor Spielbergio confer. 

Herr Direktor - "I was watching the X Files the other night and it hit me, I've got the story for the next Indiana Smith movie... Aliens."

Senor Spielbergio - "Aliens? Like anal probes and abductions? Where do the Nazis fit in?"

Herr Direktor - "No Nazis, I'm sick of the damn Nazis, this time they're Communists. And here's the awesome plot twist: The aliens aren't really aliens, they're extra-dimenstrual beings from the Zorglax 5 galaxy."

Senor Spielbergio - "Yeah I like it. We'll give him a son, drop an atom bomb on him, and make a lot of jokes about how old he is."

Herr Direktor - "But wouldn't dropping an atom bomb on him totally incinerate him?"

Senor Spielbergio - "That's the genius bit - He survives because he Ducks and Covers."

Herr Direktor - "We'll call it Indiana Smith and the Kingdom of the Shitful Clusterfuck."

Senor Spielbergio - "Matt Stone and Trey Parker are gonna give us a ton of shit, but screw 'em, let's do it."

Harrison Ford - "I'm too old for this shit."

Herr Direktor - "Can we please get another Adult Diaper to the Special Effects Dept."

**The End.**

**NOW AVAILABLE ON VHS AND DVD.**

Fluke Skywanker and the Rise of the Farce - Episode I: The Fandom Menace.

Fluke Skywanker and the Rise of the Farce - Episode II: Send in the Clones. 

Read the Qantam novelisation - Episode III: Revenge of the Shith - by Aliun Deap Fister.

Also by Aliun Deap Fister. An Original Fluke Skywanker Novel - "Sphincter of the Mind's Ass."

**TRAILERS:**

**From EditorBot FUBAR 10 co-writer of Space War Movie comes - Harry Pot-Head and the Skull Bong of Doom.**

Two thick wooden stakes are mounted on a platform of Harry Potter novels and piled up wood. Harry Pot-Head and J Krowling are led to the platform and tied to the stakes.

SpacePope Xenu the Third - "You have been found guilty by the Space Inquisition of heresy, witchcraft and publishing total garbage. Repent thy heresy, embrace the peace and love of the Lord, and thou will be spared the cleansing flames of Faith."

Harry Pot-Head - "I repent, I'm just a kid, I repent. It's all that twat fingerer's fault, she made me do it. Burn her not me."

SpacePope Xenu the Third - "You are absolved my son, release him."

The young SpaceWizard is released.

Harry Pot-Head – “Sucks to be you Krowling, you fanny sniffing twat licker.”

J Krowling - "Peace and love my ass, your Faith is built on a foundation of degenerate kiddy fiddlers, billions of corpses, and an ocean of blood."

SpacePope Xenu the Third - "Light 'er up. Give my regards to SpaceSatan, heretic."

The execution pyre is lit and J Krowling goes up in flames.

Stephanie Meyer laughs hysterically.

SpacePope Xenu the Third - "Don't you laugh bitch, you're up next."

**Hang On To Your Brains! From the creative team that brought you Space War Movie, it's Zombie Movie! (Consumer Health Warning: Contains traces of fish products and 90% Recycled Jokes).**

INT. DERELICT NAZI RESEARCH SHIP - MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN - NIGHT.

Money Grubbing Jewish Banker - "Zombies? Like in the films? Again with the brains, always with the brains and the blood and the biting, such films are made by degenerate perverts for other degenerate perverts."

Zombie Geek Loser - "Hey old dude, like, go watch Schindler's List and complain to somebody who gives a fuck. And shit man zombies don't eat brains, they'd much rather rip off your arm and chow down on that, or rip open your guts and make a Happy Meal outta your intestines. Ignorant asshole."

Really Hot Survivor Chick - "Get out much geek?"

Neo-Con Right Wing Asshole - "Will you idiots shut the fuck up. We have to get through the flooded decks of this derelict, which is gonna be dangerous enough, without having to worry about getting attacked by Nazi zombies that just happen to like nothing better than hanging around UNDERFUCKINGWATER."

Zombie Geek Loser - "Geez dude, take a chill pill OK. I know how to deal with zombies, I got this covered, I can handle it."

Really Hot Survivor Chick - "You can handle it? This is a life and death situation, not a goddamn circle jerk."

**Look, Up in The Sky, is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? SPLAT... No, it's Just a Bird. From the creative team that brought you Space War Movie and Zombie Movie, it's Superhero Movie!**

Fartman vs. Stuporman vs. Steel Man vs. The Bulk vs. The Z Men vs. The Revengers vs. Doctor Weird vs. Howard the Duck vs. ..... OH GODDAMN IT I CAN'T DO THESE VOICEOVERS FOR THESE RETARDED "MOVIE" MOVIE TRAILERS ANYMORE! THESE MOVIES ARE BRAIN DEAD DRIVEL. WHY ARE YOU MORONS WASTING YOUR MONEY ON THIS CRAP? A DVD OF YOUR MOTHER'S PRO-LAPSED RECTUM SURGERY WOULD BE MORE ENTERTAINING. A DVD OF THE WACHOWSKI BROTHERS GENDER RE-ASSIGNMENT SURGERY WOULD BE LESS PAINFUL TO SIT THROUGH. HAVING TO WATCH JUPITER ASCENDING FIFTY TIMES IN A ROW WOULD BE...SOUL DESTROYING AND BLOODY SUICIDAL NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.... **ARGGRRHARRGHGRORRHGGRRHURHKK.** "

Movie Trailer Voice-Over Guy starts to Hulk Out.

Two paramedics enter the recording booth.

Paramedic One - "OK Randall give him a shot of Carfentanyl, 5000 mgs should do it. IT'S OK SIR WE'LL HAVE YOU FEELING FINE IN JUST A MINUTE. TAKE YOU TO A COSY COMFORTABLE RUBBER ROOM WHERE YOU CAN HAVE A NICE LIE DOWN."

Movie Trailer Voice-Over Guy - "I want my mummy."

Stan Lee - "I'm too old for this shit."

Herr Direktor - "Can we please get... oh forget it."

**RETURN TO MENU SCREEN.**

Please send all complaints, death threats and hatemail to: The Dark Lord Rupert Murdoch c/o 20th Century Fox. (News Flash idiots - It has been the 21st Century for nearly 20 years now). George Lucas c/o SkyWanker Ranch. Walt Disney's Cryogenically Preserved Head c/o the Bunker Underneath Disneyland. The "Church" of Scientology c/o Tom Cruise's Butt Hole. JJ Abrams & Rian Johnson c/o the Casting Couch in Hollywood.

"I'm an asshole, and proud of it."

Dennis Leary.


End file.
